Paul-Michael Dekker
(Dekker's Hands On Executive Service, with apologies to George Gurley, based on his article from GQ, May, 1997)
| I'll admit that I don't keep my monitor as clean as I'm accustomed to. But when I was growing up, we always had help. There were Mimi and Alma. And Hannibal and Bernie and Narcisso. Professional, courteous, well-paid (by their local standards) help. That's right, help. Upstairs and down. Someone to feather-dust. Someone to do work I didn't want to do. And maybe someone to send up a grilled-cheese sandwich when I was too busy to get it myself. | Now, some might find the idea of servants in today's presumably enlightened age objectionable. But I speak from experience when I say having help is just such ... such ... a help. Plus, without domestics, a man would have to clean up! Actually, Mimi, can you make that a croissant, s'il vous plait -- every morning to nibble on with my two-lumps, no-cream-please tea. A man would have to call the hotel to ensure a decent hotel room before a business trip. He would have to pack his own bags. For the love of God, he'd have to carry said bag to the car. But if he had a Hannibal, well, that and a million other things would be no concern. No more cooking. No more line at the superstore. In fact, no more public buildings period, except when you want to take in a movie, for which Hannibal would have already bought the ticket on-line. | In some ways, having help is better, even more cost-effective, than marriage. What is that oft-quoted statistic about a housewife's work being worth like, $100,000? You can have three or four domestics for that price. And though I've never been married, I don't suspect any new bride would be as willing to please as Hannibal always was. I vaguely recall once when a computer download was having trouble. "Hannibal," I said , "I'm a little tired, and I'm having trouble with this download. Can you just sit there next to the computor and press "Enter" every ten minutes, to ensure there's no problems..." PAUL-MICHAEL DEKKER — ALWAYS PROFESSIONAL |
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